


Ten times the Inquisitor gave her friends a stress ulcer

by andiepandie



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Not Beta Read, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 11:04:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6953914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andiepandie/pseuds/andiepandie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Incidents in which the Inquisitor has shortened her party and advisor's life spans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dorian

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for this when my Inquisitor had once again lost the majority of her health due to me not being bothered to find the safe way down a mountain. Then it spiralled as I realised all of the dumb things she does on a regular basis.
> 
> Sorry if there are any weird tenses, I've never been very good at keeping them consistent.

“Stairs are for squares!” An all-too-familiar voice bellowed. 

Dorian’s attention shot up from his book to see a beige and red blur whiz past, before a loud thud and _oomph_ echoed up the tower. He attempted a leisurely stroll to the railing, and glanced over the edge only to see the Inquisitor sprawled across Solas’ desk, face lit up in a breathless grin.


	2. Josephine

Josephine had been awaiting the Inquisitor at the gates with missives for her to look over, when she was almost trampled by her halla. Cassandra leapt off her own steed and strode over to her.

“You won’t get anything useful out of her. Trust me,” she said, exasperation and stress written over every line of her face.

“Why no-” Josephine began.

“JOSIE!” The Inquisitor cried, bounding over to her. “We fought a _dragon_! How cool is that!”

Josephine choked, and dropped her all but forgotten papers.


	3. Varric

“You know, Lavellan, Curly won’t be very happy with us if he finds out you’ve been injured. Again.” Varric said, in the vain hope that she might listen to reason for once.

“But Varric, you know my one rule when it comes to people and creatures we encounter,” she replied as she motioned to Dorian to start preparing shields. “Don’t start none, won’t be none.”

Varric sighed, hefted Bianca, and resigned himself to another tongue lashing from the Commander.


	4. Cullen

“Inquisitor, no!” Cullen yelled.

“Inquisitor, yes!” she and Sera cackled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Cullen.


	5. Solas

Solas walked out of his tent, saw the Inquisitor standing on Iron Bull’s shoulders, straining to reach one of her many amulets of power apparently stuck halfway up a tree, and promptly turned around and went right back into his tent again. 

He hasn’t been awake long enough to deal with this.


	6. Blackwall

Blackwall had heard enough about the Inquisitor’s eccentricities that he thought he had prepared himself for anything.

He had not prepared himself for seeing an actual dracolisk in their stables. Right next to where he slept.

He would not be sleeping for a while.


	7. Cassandra

“This is totally a short cut, I’m sure of it! I – hm.”

Cassandra turned her eyes up to the sky and begged the Maker for patience. “What is it?”

The Inquisitor’s voice was suspiciously high when she called back, “Nothing!” 

Cassandra exchanged a glance with Cole, before edging her way up the mountain to where they had last seen her.

“I-” the Inquisitor flushed a bright pink, clashing magnificently with the deep red of her hair.

“You are stuck.” It was not a question.

“A little. Help us out?”

Cassandra scoffed.


	8. Leliana

Normally Leliana would welcome a chance to know more about the Inquisitor – after all, it is just as important to know thy ally, as it is to know thy enemy.

However, she reflected, as she watched the Inquisitor attempt to scale up a mountain that even the mountain goats were avoiding, she did wish that she would learn one thing about the Inquisitor that did not make everyone in the surrounding vicinity worry for both her physical and mental health.


	9. Cassandra, Varric and Dorian

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

“...Can anybody else feel that?” Cassandra asked.

“What, the literal earth shaking? No, sorry I couldn’t.” Varric responded.

“Your sarcasm is noted, and is not appreciated.” Cassandra fired back.

“As much as I hate to interrupt, what is the Inquisitor doing?” Dorian broke in. 

Cassandra and Varric’s heads shot up, and the trio stared in horror as their irreplaceable leader snuck through bushes behind multiple giants, before slamming down a marker to claim the tree for the Inquisition.

“I need a drink,” Dorian moaned.


	10. Everyone ever

“I can totally make that jump!”

“NO!”


	11. Bonus

“I don’t understand, why are you all so adamant about me not doing things? It probably doesn’t look good to the troops if the Inquisitor’s most trusted advisors and friends don’t let her go certain places or perform certain tasks. It could be seen as undermining my authority.” The Inquisitor asked during one war meeting.

“Are you messing with us, or do you seriously not know?” Cullen asked. Josephine rather thought she could see the stress headache already forming behind his eyes.

“I genuinely don’t know! Have I missed something?” Somehow her innocent expression made what she was saying all the worse.

Josephine resisted the urge to throw her papers into the air in exasperation, but only barely. She settled for gently placing her board on the table, ensuring the candle was not at risk of lighting any of the documents remaining there. 

“I am going to go have a lie down. Cullen, kindly explain to our Inquisitor why we can be a little... wary at times.” She said, before sweeping out of the room, noting Leliana following her, rubbing at her temples.

“She’s completely oblivious to everything she’s doing to us,” Josephine informed Varric in passing.

“I bet being on Corypheus’ side isn’t as stressful as this” Varric grumbled, looking faintly green around the edges as he went to find Dorian so he could lament the self destructive tendencies of the Inquisitor. Preferably over a very strong drink.


End file.
